Writing is a way for me to get out what I'm thinking either on paper or electronic paper. It's really nice to just get it out and see who says what and even just to read back what I wrote and see if it even makes sense.
Last night I went to ballet. Ballet is challenging because I haven't been in so long. It's been 4 years. But I'm not looking to become a professional or anything. I just want to be in shape, and eventually be on pointe. nothing too challenging just enough that I feel I can have my body back and know that I can actually do the training again. Well I was originally taking the beginner class and realized it was too easy. I moved up to the intermediate. and immediately regretted it. There were two other girls in the class and they were very well trained. I mean to the point where I felt embarrassed. But I kept on keeping on and decided to not let it get to me.
Then the teacher made me look like I was a fool for even trying. She mocked me and refused to answer a question I had about the combination. Not that I had a question about what something was, just that I needed to know what the next step was, well she wouldn't even look at me. I was so ashamed. I am a lot bigger than the girls in that class and I couldn't believe how ashamed I was. I ran out early because I was on the verge of crying. I debated about going back and I even thought why the hell did I even try going back!?
Then it came back to me. passion. I am doing it for the passion I have when I perform or the passion I have when i'm listening to music. I decided to go back to the beginning class. But I couldn't believe that the teacher would do that to someone who is going to better themselves in something they love in life. it was really awful. But I realized it's not about me, it's about her and something she has to deal with that I'm not aware of.
People are great. People have good hearts, but sometimes they make bad decisions. It's hard but we need to understand that when they do something to us, it's never personal. NEVER. Even when they make a comment specifically about us, it is never ever about us. always about their insecurities and their own faults.
on another note, I finally got a job at a mortuary. yes. finally. It's part part part time, meaning 6-10 hours every other week, but it's a foot in the door and in a month or two I will be able to be an apprentice! which means a full time job. Hopefully that happens sooner than later. I start July 5th. Perfect. So I can finally spend the 4th with grego. We have never spent the 4th together! he is always working or I am! yay. anyway. had to write about ballet. ta ta.
