Coaching The New Power 90 Group.

Tonight I was offered the opportunity to coach the new Power 90 group G42. They are a fabulous group that are very inspiring and so active in their lives it is just incredible.

I volunteered to be on the list of coaches for this group and I was chosen and this is a huge honor due to the fact SO many people signed up to want to be a coach for the group specifically.

I walked in today, not with the greatest idea on life. I have been lonely the last while as you all know and walking in there I jus didn't want to be there tonight. I wanted to be home and in bed so I could wake up and go to work early in the morning as I need to do. As always walking into that building, my perspective changed. I was so enlightened today.

We met a half hour earlier before the students arrived and we all were assigned our students. My inner guru was telling me what students I should have as they were naming them off! I was astounded. I thought, "Oh I should have her." or whatever and then they facilitators said, Peanut we want you to have so and so. I was just shocked how in tune I was to the activity in the room. I loved it!

The students came in and I immediately clammed up like I did during their Power of Choice class. I didn't think they would take me seriously, I didn't think they would consider me a good coach etc. My goober was talking the whole time. Then we had the support exercise, and I just about cried. I love supporting people and bringing them up in good spirits and it put me in the most amazing mood. I love Outlook and what it is teaching me to do to live my life the way I want and should live it. I had to blog about it before I drift into La La La land and fall asleep because this was such an inspirational night. I stretched today. I did. and I will do one thing every day that scares me. I did that today. Wow. It feels amazing.

S T R E T C H

To stretch out of our comfort zone is something that us X-trainers do naturally. Everyday we live in our stretch zone.

A ship in the harbor is safe, but that's not what ships are for :)

Yesterday we talked about stretching our comfort zone and being more and more comfortable staying there. It was a concept that really hit my heart because i haven't been stretching as much as i should be for being a X-trainer. I have had so many opportunities fly past me because i refused to step into my stretch zone. Unfortunately it hurts me in the end.

I decided to wear a rubber band on my wrist to remind myself to stretch myself one time everyday. It's almost like my new year's resolution to do one thing everyday that scares me. So this is a good start. Why wait for 2012 and start doing it now? Perfect idea :)


On another note. Have you ever felt super alone that it almost hurts you? I have been feeling so alone the last 2 weeks that it is just killing me. Grego works constantly, I work a completely different schedule than him, I set boundaries with friends who can not accept them so they have decided to not support me in that so i'm down to just a handful (not a big deal), and my family is also busy. This Christmas, i felt more alone than any other Christmas before. It was awful. When I feel super alone, I crawl in my shell (my bed haha) and will stay there forever unless something calls for me to get up. Otherwise i will stay there and just sleep till next month. It's really not a good quality. So this stretch thing was a good thing is really what i'm getting at in a nut shell. :)

Wear. Sunscreen.

I listened to this song as a youngster and would just listen to it over and over again and then Elton and Rebecca reminded me of it yesterday! This song has so much more meaning to me now than back then. I love it. Read it and it totally makes sense now that we are older.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99
Wear Sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be
it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by
scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
than my own meandering
experience…I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not
understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and
recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before
you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you
imagine.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing
bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm
on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you

Sing

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with
people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes
you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with
yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you
succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your
life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they
wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe
you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky
chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t
congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your
choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body,
use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people
think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever
own..

Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for
good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the
people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you
should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and
lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you
knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live
in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will
philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize
that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were
noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one
might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will
look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who
supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of
fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the
ugly parts and recycling it for more than
it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen…

What?

1. to destroy itself or oneself: The missile is built so that a malfunction will cause it to self-destruct.
2. to cause itself or oneself to reach a state of collapse, dysfunction, confusion, or the like: The committee is so disorganized it will probably self-destruct before it can accomplish anything.

Self Destructing.

I was called that this week.

Oh boy did I flip.

Not ok. Far from being appropriate.

But I sat and being to think, why would they say such a thing? What have I done that has inspired this to happen?
I sat and thought over and over, am I? Am I really self destructing. I asked everyone I am close to, Am I self destructing? They all said no. So what was the point of this comment to me?

I determined that people try to help you when you don't necessarily need the help. Or they think they are helping when they are actually hurting. If I was self destructing, I would be isolating myself from the world.I wouldn't be working on myself to improve my everyday actions. I would be drinking till i was passed out on the floor, I would be taking drugs to numb the pain, I would be whoring myself thinking that would help me feel loved, I would be alone in an apartment with no one who will listen. No friends, no lover. no respect for myself or other. Don't you agree?

I am fighting with a lot of my friends. Actually just 2 of them. One is moving on in his life and has point blank told me that he is not wanting to keep any more friends. just 2 of them. The other, we are having a miscommunication. How am I reacting to this? I'm not worried about it. I'm not worried about how it will get fixed or how i'm going to move on. Because I'm done worrying about the how. I'm done worried about how this is going to fix itself. That comes across that I don't care. hence, i'm self destructive.

That one comment hurt more than anything has in a really really long time. It's hard to brush something like that off your shoulders when you know you have to see that person and act like no biggie. I'm sure they will read this, but to them, i am probably being dramatic, or unreasonable.

And I don't care. I am who I am. I love myself and every little flaw about myself, because I am perfect for me. And so I "boinged" The comment and have moved on. Because I know myself. They don't. Obviously. :)

Marry The Night

I'm gonna marry the night
I won't give up on my life
I'm a warrior queen
Live passionately tonight

I'm gonna marry the dark
Gonna make love to the stark
I'm a soldier to my own emptiness
I am a winner

I'm gonna marry the night

Distance makes the heart...

I have really had a hard time with letting people go in my life. It's a struggle that has always followed me. I have a hard time when people don't like me. I have a hard time when people just create problems that don't need to be created and involve me. It's a very hard emotionally draining situation on my part. I have a tough time dealing with it. It's happening with friends, and I just want to give up.

I stand by what my feelings are. I stand by who I am and who I am becoming, and because I stand, I may fall.

Today I have been awake for way too long exploring my mind, fixing my hair, and growing closer with Angela. I am truly blessed for what I have. I may have hard times like i said up above, but you know what? I have SO many cool things going for me. Especially this weekend. So many people have asked me if they can see me. wow. Does that happen often? No! It is just such a blessing to have beautiful people in my life that admire me and realize that i have such great qualities to offer the world.

So as I rest my head, I think of all the beautiful people in my life and how they have lifted me up and have assisted me in this life, and the last person I think of is the beautiful Natalie Wood. I'm not sure why, but she is planted in my brain. I look like her, she is strong, beautiful and forever lives in this world as a beautiful woman. I found this beautiful picture of her in NYC one of my passions. Amazing how much alike we are.

It's a love. A love in our life. To have it assailed upon with such ignorance is a crime against our souls

One word that can stop a heart beat. One word that can make a human being stop breathing. One word that makes our heart skip a beat. One word that can make me stutter. I love passion.

I want to live in passion every single day of my life. What would your life be like if you lived in your passion every single day? It would blow your mind right? It blows my mind every day that I get to listen to my passion, breathe my passion and live it. Lady Gaga is one, Outlook, Dancing, and New York City is the other. Gaga you all should know why. Dancing, I can fully express how I feel to the beautiful melodies of music and the lyrics that people write. Outlook is just a program that I will forever be a part of.

The reason I bring it up is because I have had the sudden urge to make my new year's resolution to live my passion freely every single day without the judgement of others stopping me from it. I want to show and have others learn from my passions. I want to teach others the tools I have learned. I want to dance whenever I feel need be. I want to love passionately in every relationship I have. I want to show everyone that passion can exist everyday. I want to be the prime example. This is going to be my new year's resolution. :) I can't wait!

Let me just update you on what's happened in the last 24 hours.

I found a new negative belief. I know I know. Shocking. No not really. I found a new negative belief that actually hit my core. Casey this is for you since you're asleep right now. :) I Am Not Worthy.

Wow.

Even typing it makes me weep.

I have thought back to when it was created and it was in second grade. My second grade teacher told me i was worthless and put me in the closet during class. I cried and cried for at least in that closet. I was only doing what I was passionate about. Talking to people. Interacting. And she threw me in the closet.

I'm working on changing it. I am working on doing all the steps of the choice process before I finally post it here for all to see! Once I do, you all will be the first to know! yay!

Anyway, I have to sleep in order to function tonight in an appropriate manner. another post tomorrow.

Until then...

Beauty

It has been quite some time since I have posted a blog. Sigh. That's ok. because I'm doing so now.

I am fabulous. Doing everything I want to do, doing everything I should be doing an making new friends doing it.
I have been struggling don't get me wrong, but I'm pushing through.

I have recently made some amazing friends. my X-Trainer group. (cross trainer) And They are some incredible people. I have gone all my 22 years not realizing how many amazing people there are in this incredible world. They are beautiful and I'm so grateful for them.

I have met new friends at work.
Cass
Smoothie
Steven
Micah
and gotten closer to Gina.

These guys have really assisted me in excelling at work. I focus more, i'm happier and i'm so excited to spend 10 hours with them each night. They have really influenced my time at work and my attitude towards it.
Speaking of work, I got a somewhat promotion! Pretty stoked about that. I set the intention out there, and I received how neat is that??

I am growing super close to myself. I have been exploring my passions in life and my ideas that I thought were not great ideas and guess what? They are so amazing! I have a love for photography. I JUST LOVE it. And have always wanted to do it but thought i would never excel in it. Guess what? I know I have a real talent for it, looking at the pictures I took yesterday of one of my best friends Angela. She is beautiful and the pictures turned out amazing. I wouldn't ask for a better photo shoot. :)

That's all I really have for right now. Maybe tomorrow I will write a better one in detail. Till then ,

May happiness follow you as it does with me.
Peanut/Alyssa/Maeberry