Today.
sigh.
Today Has been a rejuvenating type of day. Yesterday I was really down emotionally. I really just wanted to crawl up in a ball and die. I did not get out of bed, I didn't even shower till 5. I was emotionally drained.
I got out of bed.
I went and saw my dad.
I went and had my taitor time with Doug.
and I am free flowing and I go where I want. Just like water, just like money. He has really taught me a lot about who i am and what i stand for.
Outlook. Gees I really can't say enough about it.
I am a really strong person and Outlook has shown me that.
Really random blog, but it works for today.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Fire Walk/Pure Love
To me the fire walk, was an event that was very monumental/ scary for me. Letting go of something that has been defining who I am and what my past is about was really hard for me to let go. My mind was in love with the idea of keeping this awful ugly thing holding me back from loving who I want to love full heartedly.
When Douglas made us repeat over and over; “I walk on burning hot coals, in my bare feet which remain in perfect condition.” I thought he was crazy. No way were my feet going to remain in perfect condition after walking on hot coals! No freaking way. But the more and more you said it, the more and more you believed it. The more and more you understood, wait I have the power. I have the power to let go of my past, and to let go of the fear that the fire is going to hurt my feet. And guess what? No burns or blisters on my feet J
The first time I walked across the hot coals, I was entranced. I couldn’t believe that I actually pulled it off I couldn’t believe that I did it. My guardians were with me, my love was burning like a fire and I was so happy. Then my buddy Casey looked at me and said, “We are going again but together. “ And I was like ok! So when we went together, it was a little more painful just because my feet were freezing, but yet again, no scars, burns etc. When we reached the end, I felt our friendship/buddyship grow a little in my heart. I felt closer to her that she took a risk, because I know that is completely out of her comfort zone, but then also to experience it with me, really made me feel special and important.
Going back to Outlook after that night, I have had a really hard time. I am having a hard time accepting the fact that this is all going to end. I won’t be able to do these things any more with the people that I love. I am going Sky Diving Jan 16th, and our boot camp is the week before, and it worries me because Those are 2 out of the 4 major events and we have already done one. I don’t want this experience to end fo rme. I have never been more smiley, more positive, more tolerant, accepting, loving, caring, etc. I just want to keep growing and learning and having revelations all the time. But it is something that has to come to end eventually I guess.
SuperNova was offered to me last week, and I really have a feeling I should do it, but I have a stronger feeling from my inner guru saying that I need to wait. I don’t feel like I have had my AH HA! Moment here, and I think that Is super more important than putting people first like I do in almost ever situation. Because here at Outlook, The whole point of the program is for me to have that AH HA moment. I want that. I need that. I am going to have that, I just have to give it time. I haven’t broken through all the filters and barriers or walls that have been put up. I still need to utilize the Choice Process and Next POC I am going to be a Mentor! I really can’t wait J
When Douglas made us repeat over and over; “I walk on burning hot coals, in my bare feet which remain in perfect condition.” I thought he was crazy. No way were my feet going to remain in perfect condition after walking on hot coals! No freaking way. But the more and more you said it, the more and more you believed it. The more and more you understood, wait I have the power. I have the power to let go of my past, and to let go of the fear that the fire is going to hurt my feet. And guess what? No burns or blisters on my feet J
The first time I walked across the hot coals, I was entranced. I couldn’t believe that I actually pulled it off I couldn’t believe that I did it. My guardians were with me, my love was burning like a fire and I was so happy. Then my buddy Casey looked at me and said, “We are going again but together. “ And I was like ok! So when we went together, it was a little more painful just because my feet were freezing, but yet again, no scars, burns etc. When we reached the end, I felt our friendship/buddyship grow a little in my heart. I felt closer to her that she took a risk, because I know that is completely out of her comfort zone, but then also to experience it with me, really made me feel special and important.
Going back to Outlook after that night, I have had a really hard time. I am having a hard time accepting the fact that this is all going to end. I won’t be able to do these things any more with the people that I love. I am going Sky Diving Jan 16th, and our boot camp is the week before, and it worries me because Those are 2 out of the 4 major events and we have already done one. I don’t want this experience to end fo rme. I have never been more smiley, more positive, more tolerant, accepting, loving, caring, etc. I just want to keep growing and learning and having revelations all the time. But it is something that has to come to end eventually I guess.
SuperNova was offered to me last week, and I really have a feeling I should do it, but I have a stronger feeling from my inner guru saying that I need to wait. I don’t feel like I have had my AH HA! Moment here, and I think that Is super more important than putting people first like I do in almost ever situation. Because here at Outlook, The whole point of the program is for me to have that AH HA moment. I want that. I need that. I am going to have that, I just have to give it time. I haven’t broken through all the filters and barriers or walls that have been put up. I still need to utilize the Choice Process and Next POC I am going to be a Mentor! I really can’t wait J
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Monday, November 7, 2011
Thankful day 5, 6, and 7
On Facebook, i have been posting everyday what I am thankful for and I haven't posted anything for the last three days because I have quite a few people I have wanted to talk about but didn't want to put them in a certain order. :)
1. Kaylie Walkington:
Mrs. Walkington Is one person that I can trust with telling her anything. She is always willing to help me with anything I need help with, she is always inviting us over for dinner and makes amazing dishes for us to eat. She is always keeping me up to date with her little one that she is pregnant with :) Sh has been blessed with a little girl and she is due in January.! I have never been so excited for someone! She is so beautiful and has the most caring soul. She really loves to help and be with people that she loves. She is fun, crafty, and super smart. She is always showing me new tv shows to watch and always giving me good suggestions on books to read. I love Kaylie very much and she is one person I know I will always have in my life no matter the circumstances. She is going to be one friend I am going to turn to when I have kids and when I get married. :) I love Kaylie Walkington and I am so thankful for her being in my life. I seriously could just go on! She also has showed me I can be spiritual and not be crazy about it. She is so at peace with god and Jesus and she is truly an example to me in showing that I can be at peace with God and not be judgmental. She is amazing.
Cece Jiron:
Cece is one person who has such a spunky personality that she brings out a crazy side of me and helps me experience things that I would never try in a million years. She supports me in things that I want to do and try and tells me when i'm doing it wrong! I don't think i have had a friend be so up front when I'm doing something wrong right when it happens. She puts me back in shape. She also has shown me the amazing Outlook Development program which has changed my life and assisted me in being a better person in life and has showed me to create passion. Cece is a very exciting passionate person who i love and adore. She has had struggles in her life, but is one girl who is so strong, you wouldn't even be able to tell. I love you cece and i'm so thankful you are in my life today.
Casey Rosenhan:
Casey is my buddy in the Outlook development program. she has really helped me through the bad times i have had with the program and mainly with my self. She understands what is going on and what i'm going through. She understands that I have a hard time facing my reality etc. She is always someone i can text right when I wake up and right when i'm going to bed. I am grateful for her and her teaching me what I need to with myself in this program. I love Casey ! She is so in tune with herself even though she might not realize it and she is so in tune with the world around her. She claims she isn't, but she SO is. :) I see a lot of things about her potential she has no idea she has. I love being her friend and I consider her a close friend of mine. She is always going to be someone in my life that will i will go to when i'm doubting my talents. She is my awesome buddy!
1. Kaylie Walkington:
Mrs. Walkington Is one person that I can trust with telling her anything. She is always willing to help me with anything I need help with, she is always inviting us over for dinner and makes amazing dishes for us to eat. She is always keeping me up to date with her little one that she is pregnant with :) Sh has been blessed with a little girl and she is due in January.! I have never been so excited for someone! She is so beautiful and has the most caring soul. She really loves to help and be with people that she loves. She is fun, crafty, and super smart. She is always showing me new tv shows to watch and always giving me good suggestions on books to read. I love Kaylie very much and she is one person I know I will always have in my life no matter the circumstances. She is going to be one friend I am going to turn to when I have kids and when I get married. :) I love Kaylie Walkington and I am so thankful for her being in my life. I seriously could just go on! She also has showed me I can be spiritual and not be crazy about it. She is so at peace with god and Jesus and she is truly an example to me in showing that I can be at peace with God and not be judgmental. She is amazing.
Cece Jiron:
Cece is one person who has such a spunky personality that she brings out a crazy side of me and helps me experience things that I would never try in a million years. She supports me in things that I want to do and try and tells me when i'm doing it wrong! I don't think i have had a friend be so up front when I'm doing something wrong right when it happens. She puts me back in shape. She also has shown me the amazing Outlook Development program which has changed my life and assisted me in being a better person in life and has showed me to create passion. Cece is a very exciting passionate person who i love and adore. She has had struggles in her life, but is one girl who is so strong, you wouldn't even be able to tell. I love you cece and i'm so thankful you are in my life today.
Casey Rosenhan:
Casey is my buddy in the Outlook development program. she has really helped me through the bad times i have had with the program and mainly with my self. She understands what is going on and what i'm going through. She understands that I have a hard time facing my reality etc. She is always someone i can text right when I wake up and right when i'm going to bed. I am grateful for her and her teaching me what I need to with myself in this program. I love Casey ! She is so in tune with herself even though she might not realize it and she is so in tune with the world around her. She claims she isn't, but she SO is. :) I see a lot of things about her potential she has no idea she has. I love being her friend and I consider her a close friend of mine. She is always going to be someone in my life that will i will go to when i'm doubting my talents. She is my awesome buddy!
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