Today was ropes course. And one of my momentums for today is to journal about what happened and what I learned today. :)
So we first got to the course in Provo, SUPER cold. FREEZING. Not really but it sure felt like it :) And we all gathered up and decided what we wanted to gather from this experience today. I chose to feel more spiritually connected and to just let go. Not think about anything, just let go and be me.
We started with the traffic stop activity which i had already done before at work, but on the computer. Well in real life, it's a lot different than you think. For me it was an activity that made me realize that everything I do, I do the same. Always. Without fail. I need to switch it up a bit sometimes, and i will come out with a different result!
Then we went to the dragon activity. hee hee. Sorry i don't really want to explain everything just in case someone who reads this, goes through the program. Well that activity showed me that I have a whole group of people willing to help me get to the other side of my goal and a whole bunch of support from people that I don't even know that well!
Then next was the trust falling activity. This one was hard for me. Only because in life, i have a really hard time trusting myself and letting go to let people catch me when i do fall. Standing up on that post looking around the plant life all around us was one of the most peaceful moments i had during the ropes course. Jamie told me to just look at that one tree, that one leaf on the branch and then fall. That one leaf that i was looking at was very odd shaped and odd looking. It was a leaf most people would just look past, but I saw it for what it was worth and the beauty within it. I love that leaf. And I fell. As I was falling I was crying my eyes out and to see all these people surrounding me and the love that was shared for me in that group was stronger than ever imagined. I never knew people who didn't know you that well, could love you like that. Because I loved every person that fell into our arms after that.
After the trust fall, we went to the GIANT SWING OF DEATH. This was one I was nervous for, but also so excited to experience. You get pulled up this rope in a giant swing and announce what your next step is in your goal and then let go of the red rope and you swing super fast and high. I have never felt so free before! When I announced my big step, I had this sense of relief a sense of peace and a weight lifted off my shoulders. My next step was to read my scriptures again and to see if i can feel the spirit again. It's something i'm afraid to do and something that i needed to do. And after the big fall of the swing, it turns into a peaceful swinging back and forth. I looked at the leaves, the trees, the sky. It was just so peaceful and beautiful I didn't want to get off. :)
We then went to lunch. I rode with my awesome buddy Casey and my coach Ivan and we went to Subway. It was as always delicious and I had a nice time catching up and learning new things about each other. My buddy and I have quite a bit more in common than I once thought. I don't like that we had such a hard time at first but I decided to play peace and so did she and now we are closer than ever. I got her a BYU Bear to show her how much I care last week and that really helped open us up to each other.
Anyway, after lunch we went back to the ropes course. I was pretty nervous because I knew we were going to be doing the perch. and that is one of my worst fears...
We sneakily make our way to this wall. The Wall is 16 ft high with no holes to grab, no rope to climb up and nothing but a plain huge green wall. They tell us we have to get every single person up this wall only using the resources we have and we need to work as a team. It scared me. I thought how the crap are we going to get everyone up this wall without rope or anything?! Well long and behold we sure did. I helped give ideas and helped lift people up from the second level, which physically was really hard for me because I'm not as strong as I once was, but I managed to help quite a bit. At one point in the process I got very anxious and started almost having a panic attack. I was worried about my physical health and my wrist. I wanted to put people first, but it turned into a battle because i was in so much pain and I was worried I was going to fall on people that shouldn't be fallen on. So i panicked. But as soon as we got everyone up over the wall, I felt so much relief. I was happy to know we as a team can do it and that we are strong together to help people over come their obstacles in life and in their goal.
After the wall, came the perch.
The perch was one that I have done before, but was able to jump. This time I had a really hard time jumping. Everyone was yelling and screaming at me positive reinforcements and all the noise didn't help one bit. That's how it is in life, everyone telling me their advice etc. and all I really need is some peace and quiet and I can do it myself. So I sat on the perch like an owl and was pulled off. It wasn't ok for me but it was perfect for me to do that in that moment, so that i could learn from this experience.
after the perch we threw people up in the air on a trampoline material.
I was on such a high all Saturday , so happy alive, and then Sunday came, and I crashed hard. I was sleepy most of the day because of the emotional and physical labor, but I crashed. Monday came and it was Halloween. I was so excited to get up and start my day! I love Halloween.
But my ex best friend decided that today was the day that she was going to be the mean kind of person she is after i have been trying to get my movie back from her for the last 3 days now. She insulted me told me that I was crazy, told me that I have a one track mind etc. She really thinks that she can hurt me with her words, but then she said that I was crazy, and you know what i realized? She is insulting me things about herself. She thinks she is crazy, she has a one track mind. EVERY insult she threw at me was about her not me at all. She really is going through a hard time. Never will admit to it, but she is. She even has to make her own sister delete me off facebook. I live rent free in her head, and to me that is one of the best compliments. and one day Liz will come around and apologize and i will forgive her and move on, but until then I am loving her from a distance.
