The little things in life are some of the most precious things...

I am seeing the little things.

I see everything right now. I feel like i'm taking everything in and seeing what there is to see. Hearing the soft sounds, the hard sounds, I just feel almost a certain high that all my senses are intense. I haven't had this feeling before, and it's something that is hard to describe. I have no idea what this feeling is, but I am in love with it.

I notice the smiles. I notice the dark behind the eyes, I see you crying inside, I see you wanting her, I see you wanting him. I see you wanting me to notice you. I see you wanting to be seen. I am seeing everything right now. I am clicked in. I am in my zone. I think this is the starting of me becoming the master of influence through X-Trainer.

The Experience is on Monday, and it couldn't come at a more perfect time. The Experience is where us X-Trainers get all dolled up like we are going to the Oscars and go to such a fancy dinner and that's all we really know. I can't wait. It is going to be a huge eye opener.

On another note, have you ever wanted to be noticed so badly that you feel you screaming at the top of your lungs and no one looks?

I currently feel this way.

You know I believe in how.

Something in the way she moves,
Attracts me like no other lover.
Something in the way she woos me.
I don't want to leave her now,
You know I believe and how.

Somewhere in her smile she knows,
That I don't need no other lover.
Something in her style that shows me.
I don't want to leave her now,
You know I believe and how.

You're asking me will my love grow,
I don't know, I don't know.
Stick around, and it may show,
But I don't know, I don't know.

Something in the way she knows,
And all I have to do is think of her.
Something in the things she shows me.
I don't want to leave her now.
You know I believe and how.


If I fell in love with you
Would you promise to be true
And help me understand
'cause I've been in love before
And I found that love was more
Than just holding hands

If I give my heart to you
I must be sure
From the very start
That you would love me more than her

If I trust in you, oh please
Don't run and hide
If I love you too, oh please
Don't hurt my pride like her
'cause I couldn't stand the pain
and i would be sad
if i new love was in vain

So I hope you see that I
Would love to love you
And that she will cry
When she learns we are two
cause I couldn't stand the pain
and I would be sad if our new love was in vain

so I hope you see that I
would love to love you
and that she will cry when she learns we are two.




If I fell in love with you

Truth.

This song is hitting my soul this week.

When you find yourself
In some far off place
And it causes you to rethink some things
You start to sense that slowly
You're becoming someone else
And then you find yourself

When you make new friends in a brand new town
And you start to think about settlin' down
The things that would have been lost on you
Are now clear as a bell
And you find yourself
Yeah that's when you find yourself

Where you go through life
So sure of where you’re headin'
And you wind up lost and it's
The best thing that could have happened
‘Cause sometimes when you lose your way it's really just as well
Because you find yourself
Yeah that’s when you find yourself

When you meet the one
That you've been waitin' for
And she's everything that you want and more
You look at her and you finally start to live for some one else
And then you find yourself
That’s when you find yourself

When we go through life
So sure of where we're headin'
And we wind up lost and it's
The best thing that could have happened
‘Cause sometimes when you lose your way it's really just as well
Because you find yourself
Yeah that's when you find yourself

Skydiving ♥

Arriving at the Outlook offices, my heart was beating fast, my legs were feeling like jello, I felt like throwing up might be the best option before walking in, but I resisted.

I walk in to the offices and immediately feel relief. I feel at peace with the decision I have decided to jump out of an airplane. I am going to face my fears. I am going to accomplish something that I will always remember for the rest of my life.

Talking with the group about things we are about to let go before we head to the site was actually a conversation I was dreading. I did not want to face the things about myself I want to let go and that I am scared of. I was not ok with this decision that I had to make.

We held a rock in our hand the entire time we were in the conversation. Representing things that we hang on to that prevent us from flying. Mine: Feeling Ashamed. Feeling worthless. Having expectations. I threw that rock on the ground and left it there so I could fly in the sky with my X-Trainer family.

We had lunch at this delicious pizza place.

We got to Ogden.

I almost peed myself.

walking into that red hangar really wasn't a challenge I stood tall and ran in so excited to take on an adventure that I will never forget.

I signed my life away.

put on my pink jumpsuit and funny hat. (speaking of which I just realized writing this, the pink jumpsuit I wore matches my skydiving bracelet I wear everyday. :) how adorable and sweet.)

I meet my dude.

He is so nice.

We head to the plane I wave goodbye to everyone waiting for me at the bottom.

The Plane takes off.

I shake so much.

He tells me that I will put my toes to the edge of the plane and he will roll out with me on his belly.

Bellybutton
Breathe
Banana.

I can do this.

I step out on the edge and I take one look down and feel immediate peace.

floating on a cloud with the pressure catching me and I can't hear a single thing. I am at peace. I feel amazing. invincible. I feel like superman. It will be an experience I will never want to forget.

The chute opens.

We do some gliding.

I land in smoothly on my bum.

I am so thrilled to become the new person that I am. I SPRINT to everyone waiting for me and give hugs and almost burst into tears. I am a new person. I am who I want to be. I want to be that person that can say they have been skydiving and they love it. I AM THAT PERSON.
The love I feel when I get off that plane was so beautiful. People all around me genuinely care about me. And it is something that I am forever grateful for.

God's View...

Tomorrow I will be in the sky with the clouds. Creating a new view of things from up above.

God's view of the world.


Wish me luck.

Authentic Self

Being the fun loving person I am, I tend to be a little too forgiving, not set boundaries and just let people walk all over me. That is not how I want to keep doing things. Today I realized when I was on the phone with my coach, Curtis, that I have rid myself of at least, 5 people from my life with who I thought were my friends. They are not in my life anymore. No longer a part of my friendship circle. I have let them go.

Why?

I was evaluating this while on the phone, and I realized that I set boundaries for those 5 people. I set the boundary and the crossed the line and received the consequence of losing me in their life. They have chosen the path they wanted to take and they have now gone and done their own thing without a second though. I am living my authentic self. I am being true to who I am by setting those boundaries with friends.

They have decided that my true authentic self is not what they see a friend as.

I don't and will not sacrifice my awesome self for people who do not appreciate me. And I have done that. Funny that even one of those who I let go, went through Power 90 with me. And she has chosen to rescue everyone in her life and be tired for as long as she chooses. And I do not need to be rescued. And I am so proud of that. I am Alyssa Mae Smith. "Peanut", and tonight I can honestly say that I love who I am. Down to the ugly scar on my hip. I love every part of me, because I change lives.

The picture posted shows that even in a crowd of people, I can still be authentic when I think no one is watching. (ps, for those who haven't seen me in quite a while. *vickie* my hair is not like that anymore. Back to my usual beautiful brown hair :) )

2012

Ringing in the new year was something that i had such a good time doing. I spent New Year's with friends that actually cared if I had a nice time and friends that love and support me in everything I am doing in my life. Grego was home :( He told me to go out with my friends. But I did spend New Year's day with him which made up for the night before :)

I recently have been in such a good mood to the point that my stomach can't eat anymore. Butterflies are in my tummy and they just will not get out. I love everyone. I love my few friends that I have, I love Greg, I love my family, I love people. I just am loving life. The way 2012 is supposed to start out for me.

My mom always told me that New Year's resolutions are dumb. She always said you can start a new one every day. Why wait till the beginning of the year? I used to not agree with her, but times have changed. I 100% agree with my mama. Every day is a new beginning when that sun rises up over the mountains, you can begin a new.

I am living every day as if it is my last.
I am doing one thing every day that scares me
I am loving people for something that makes them who they are
I am holding no judgement
I am not jealous
I am fit
I am living my passions.

I mean if I'm doing that every day, what I would make a new year's resolution out of. I'm pretty proud.