Oh don't worry, it's just me.

My momentum challenge :)

Hi! My name is Alyssa Mae Smith.
I love to walk around the neighborhood barefoot in the dark and tell scary stories by the campfire.
I love eat food. All the time. Not just once in a while... I'm talking constantly. I have an obsession with stuffed animals and soft comfy blankets. They keep me feeling secured and comforted when i'm lonely :) I Work at ARUP and i actually love my job believe it or not. I also work at Hallmark just for the time being until i get a promotion at ARUP :)
I have been and seen both of George W. Bush's inaugurations. I have also met Jimmy Carter and shaken his hand! Super sweet man. I am the BIGGEST UTAH FAN ever. Don't bring up BYU around me or i have a mental breakdown.
I have some of the best people in my family. DO NOT mess with any of my family members or friends or you will have to mess with me !! scary...
I am a huge fan of Spongebob, House, Arrested Development, The Office, Parks and Rec. and Seinfeld of course.

LADY GAGA is my idol . . . . . . I am obsessed with this woman and everything she does. I love her. She is my rock in a sense. I can go to her music when times are down, when times are good and when i'm sick of the world, and she will cheer me up. I will meet her one day and hug her and we will have a grand old time.

My favorite color is teal or aqua. I love my grandma's spaghetti. It's my favorite. I also love Kneaders. That has to be my favorite place to enjoy a good meal.

I have too many favorite movies but one that always sticks out for me is The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Yes. I know. Fits my personality :)

I have the hardest time asking for help. It's something that is a work in progress.

I find Twilight is my secret obsession.. SHhhhhhh...

11 is my lucky number
I am a big history buff. Come to me for questions, facts, and anything about history. I love it! I could sit and listen to my dad tell me stories all day about history facts and anything to do with this amazing country we call home.


I love to dance. I wish i could dance still. I can't find a big enough space for me to express my love, so i do it in the shower or in my undies.

I am in love with the most beautiful strong, smart inspiring man. And he will be the man i spend the rest of my life with. Gregory Luke.


ME!

P90 And second thoughts.

I have been trying to get in the groove with P90 and making sure that I stay motivated etc. But to be honest, all i think about is the money I owe to P90, or the money I owe for school, or the money I owe for hospital bills, or anything!! I can't sit still and think oh my life is going so well, when it's not. I am debating on dropping P90 just because I am not feeling the support that I need from the team. I have my pit crew and they have been more supportive than anyone on my team. But the feeling that no on the team is there is really hard to keep going and stay motivated to keep trying at it. I think i have the right tools that I need in life. And P90 is really helping me learn how to use the tools in everyday life. I am so grateful for that, but for right now, i'm having a hard time financially and P90 is just making it worse by costing so much. I woke up Saturday morning in tears. I didn't want to go to work, I have so much school work to get done and I haven't done anything. I have not been motivated to even look at my p90 binder. I just am so worried about my financial stabliity. I want to be successful. and hopefully when I talk to Dana tomorrow something can be done about the cost of P90. I can't afford it, yet want to still be a part of it. For those who don't know what i'm talking about, it's called Power of 90. It is a life changing course that will help you achieve your dreams and goals in life and teach you to be proactive with your life. It is a 90 day course and I am enrolled in it, and i love it. I just don't love the price. I have never had so much support from outside of P90 before. I love my family so much more and Greg. He sat with me while i cried and told him how stressed i was. He was so supportive to me and it brought us so close together. I don't know what I have been doing without the support of Greg, Family and Friends. I would be lost.

I'm just not happy right now. And I need to start making choices that will turn that around.

So the Lion Fell In Love With The Lamb...

Twilight has always been one of my favorite love stories of all time. Edward falling in love with Bella, the love the connection they have as a couple. The beautiful lyrics, the beautiful story. I am so in love with Twilight. I was before the hype. I read the books while they were coming out into the book stores. I love the music, the story, everything. I feel as though my love story is Twilight. But ends at New Moon. I fell in love with jacob. Greg is my jacob character. Dain my ex boyfriend is Edward. Edward left me and i found Jacob in the pits of darkness and Jacob helped me to my feet and helped me become the beautiful woman that I am. I still love Dain, but with a different love now. I looked through pictures of us today, and he was my best friend, the one I could turn to, but changed into a mean person so quick. Then I found Jacob (grego) And I haven't been able to go back to Edward. Dain did ask to date again and to be together once more, but I am too attached to Greg. I know everyone is so sick of Twilight, but most people don't understand that for some of us, the connection to the story is deeper than superficial. It is how life turned out, and how we connected to Stephanie Meyer.

I am so excited for the final movie to come out. Breaking Dawn was my second favorite book in the series. My favorite was Eclipse. Then Breaking Dawn, Then New Moon then the first one. Yes I am a twihard freak. But you would have never known. :)

The weekend

September 11th. A day the nation and I will never forget. I had a really hard time on this day this year. I was mainly in bed, and cried most of the day. I can't believe how long it has been since this tragic event has happened.

90 day goal update:

I'm struggling to believe that I can do it at times. It's hard to think you can do it, when you don't know how you are going to do it!!
All my momentums are complete. :)
I called my buddy everyday i was supposed to even though it was difficult to get a hold of her at times :)
I am SO excited for our pit crew training tomorrow because my family gets to understand what i'm doing and how it works!!!

weekend:
I worked all weekend and completed my momentums. :)
It didn't last long.
I needed to study but couldn't.

BUT I am falling in love with greg all over again. I don't remember if i have mentioned it, but i'm just sayin' I can't believe the love you can have for someone when you live together. :) I love him.

The end.

Music

Music is something that when it's gone, you don't realize how much of an impact it has on your mood and behavior. I heard music for the first time in 1 week, and just about almost cried. I forgot how much this beautiful sound affects my mood. It is such a state changer and i love it.

Owl City is the soundtrack to my life i have decided. My mom once told me that and ever since i have heard owl city, that is what i think of.

Not much today. Just about to go to bed. :)

Proud.

Proud is a word that I don't hear very often. Or maybe I do hear it, but I don't hear it to the extent that I do now.

My mom told me yesterday she was proud of me.

Best feeling in the world. Just to know that the woman who gave birth to you, the woman you have fought for, for years has told you whole heartedly that she is proud of you.

And this time I actually listened.

♥

Garfunkel and Oates

I woke up today scared.

Scared because officially yesterday Greg and I moved in fully together. If things were to not work out, it is going to hurt 300 times more. I woke up and i'm so scared because i want this to work so much and I can't see myself with anyone else but him. He is one that I could spend the rest of my life with. But, if it doesn't work, I know i will be strong and move on. I just have to keep reminding myself of that.

Anyway sorry that was kind of a side note. On the other hand today I woke up in a good mood as well. I have had this band Garfunkle and Oates stuck in my head all morning. They are such a funny band talking about a lot of things that girls either can't talk about, or that we want to talk about but we are embarressed to say anything! They really are super funny to listen to. *sigh* I love them. :)

My power 90 goal is going ok so far. I mean besides the fact that I am actually negative balance in my account. I still have faith I will learn the tools of the trade and be able to get that $10,000. I just need to have faith that i really don't know what i'm doing yet and that I will eventually. I have posted sticky notes everywhere from on the toilet to the fridge even to the front door of what my goal is. just so that i can remember it everywhere I go and remember that it is possible. I just need to keep thinking positvely!

And the beat goes on...

Well the days go on, one by one and i'm having a harder time everyday that goes on. I am still feeling alone an having a hard time moving through alone. I know i'm not because i have my buddy, Casey, but i mean physically. I am constantly physically alone. And the only time i really am excited to do anything is when i go to school because i'm constantly surrounded by people. Today though, i'm going to have a better day. Grego and I are going to RC willey to look at couches and to go to lunch together. So that will brighten my mood.

Today I am going to do 2 momentums.
1. Choice process
2. paint my nails aqua to remind myself of Ms. Gaga and that beautiful hair she has :)

Then I am going to study. I mean really study. I keep saying that I will but never do. And i need to remember that I WILL get $10,000 so that i never have to worry about being dependent on anyone anymore :) Anyway, treking on to the next day!

Outlook and the beginning of my 90 goal

Blogging. Something I have always had a really hard time with. It’s very narcissistic and very much just for bragging. But this blog is for me to watch my journey through my 90 day goal of having $10,000 in my account at the end of 90 days. I am nervous. I’m not going to lie. I am terrified and worried that I am not going to achieve my goal and that I will look at myself as a failure. But what do I have to lose? Nothing.

I have had a really hard time this past week. I have been living alone. Greg and I got an apartment together and I haven’t seen him since I have moved in. He is moving in this weekend, but I haven’t seen him! So I have been alone, and that is one of my flaws. I hate to be alone. I love not living with roommates, but it’s hard living without anyone there, without being able to watch movies on tv, to not have a bed. But I am enjoying not having the drama. ☺

One of the things I need to remember is to do a positive review every time I have a hard time during the day. So here is my positive review today:

1. I went to school on time, not being tired, and even got a seat on the train
2. Ate chicken nuggets!
3. Played on my new Mac Book
4. Going to the Utah game
5. Able to watch spongebob and take a nap.

Good day. Just need to keep remembering that