What?

1. to destroy itself or oneself: The missile is built so that a malfunction will cause it to self-destruct.
2. to cause itself or oneself to reach a state of collapse, dysfunction, confusion, or the like: The committee is so disorganized it will probably self-destruct before it can accomplish anything.

Self Destructing.

I was called that this week.

Oh boy did I flip.

Not ok. Far from being appropriate.

But I sat and being to think, why would they say such a thing? What have I done that has inspired this to happen?
I sat and thought over and over, am I? Am I really self destructing. I asked everyone I am close to, Am I self destructing? They all said no. So what was the point of this comment to me?

I determined that people try to help you when you don't necessarily need the help. Or they think they are helping when they are actually hurting. If I was self destructing, I would be isolating myself from the world.I wouldn't be working on myself to improve my everyday actions. I would be drinking till i was passed out on the floor, I would be taking drugs to numb the pain, I would be whoring myself thinking that would help me feel loved, I would be alone in an apartment with no one who will listen. No friends, no lover. no respect for myself or other. Don't you agree?

I am fighting with a lot of my friends. Actually just 2 of them. One is moving on in his life and has point blank told me that he is not wanting to keep any more friends. just 2 of them. The other, we are having a miscommunication. How am I reacting to this? I'm not worried about it. I'm not worried about how it will get fixed or how i'm going to move on. Because I'm done worrying about the how. I'm done worried about how this is going to fix itself. That comes across that I don't care. hence, i'm self destructive.

That one comment hurt more than anything has in a really really long time. It's hard to brush something like that off your shoulders when you know you have to see that person and act like no biggie. I'm sure they will read this, but to them, i am probably being dramatic, or unreasonable.

And I don't care. I am who I am. I love myself and every little flaw about myself, because I am perfect for me. And so I "boinged" The comment and have moved on. Because I know myself. They don't. Obviously. :)