I'm not usually one to be an anxious person or negative, but the last day and a half I have only wanted to stay in bed with it dark and lay down with my teddy bear. I am so terrified to leave home. I don't want to leave my beautiful room, my sweetie lay next to me in bed, I don't want to leave my family and have them be here without me. I have never had so much anxiety before. I am constantly having stomach cramps and worrying 24 hours of the day. Not sleeping and not really eating, it's becoming a problem. My therapist says that I am scared to succeed, and she is right. Because i'm afraid the expectations will rise and I will have to compete with them. I am so scared to leave my grego. I don't want to be forgotten. I'm scared no one will visit me, I'm scared to not have family with me, I'm scared my friends will forget about me. In my mind I know this is all silly, but my subconscious is a lot stronger. I am going. I have to do this for me so I can be the person I want to be and do the things I want to do. I get that, I just want people I know to tag along with me. So I have some sense of security. I had to get this out.

Inspired

Today I am feeling more inspired than usual. I have a lot of stresses in my life but today it feels the wind is taking them away. I feel change is on the horizon. I am being invited to hang out with new friends, I am writing more and I am wanting to paint more. This sunshine is doing something to me that I have never had happen to me. I am feeling more alive and it's so refreshing. I leave for Florida in exactly two months and I am so excited and nervous but today I am feeling so inspired to explore why I'm nervous and excited. I want to be able to learn from this. The world Is so beautiful and I thinks lot of us forget to stop and look at it. We are truly blessed to be a part of this lifetime and experience the tragedies and triumphs our generation gets to go through. I'm very proud of who I am and who I know. My generation needs to wake up and look around. We are surrounded by so much beauty and come from amazing forefathers. I think we forget about that sometimes. We have our freedom because of them. So random today just had to write. 

Not ok

Love that even though I've been with Greg for 4 years he's still not allowed to come to certain family functions because we aren't married. Or we don't get treated the same because we aren't married. I'm pretty upset. I can't wait to move and I won't have to worry about this. Because to put it blunt, it's bull shit. We've been together longer than most couples I know and guess what? We don't want to get married right now because we are focusing on school. Ugh I'm mad. First not being paid for a photo shoot now people discriminating because we aren't married. Our friends know we are stronger than most and that's all that matters. Vent session. 

So...

So I know I said I was going to start a new blog about a girl being in the funeral industry.... But that's going to have to be put on hold.... I am going to start a blog about my Disney experience in Florida.... I left the funeral home but accepted to join the Disney College Program! So I will be moving to Florida in August! So keep a look out for this new blog! :)

http://faithtrustandalittlepixiedustwithme.blogspot.com/

New Blog

Hey all! I just wanted to let you know I have a new blog that I have started if you want to follow just going through what I go through in the funeral industry and trying to get support! So check it out if you're interested, if not, it's cool! http://youngandseeingdeadpeople.blogspot.com/

Letting go.

Being able to let things go. It's a trial of mine. I was a part of Outlook Development and their team for quite some time. I really was active in changing lives and changing mine and then all of a sudden I got my dream job, and I slowed down in life to smell the flowers or to just enjoy life. Well, Outlook is speeding on by and doing things differently than I want to. And I was kind of left behind I guess was the word. I am doing great. I have no hard feelings just kind of sad that they are going way too fast. and once I got my dream job, i was "cured" and doing better. I have attempted to be a part of the clan again, but it just doesn't fit in with my work. My job and family come first. That's priority and if Outlook doesn't fit, it just doesn't fit. Anyway had to get that off my chest today. :)

Amazing body

I don't mean to brag about my body but our bodies are so amazing. I am loving working out. My body works so hard to be so tough. Breathing hard and pumping blood fast through my veins. This feeling is actually addicting. I'm loving taking care of my body. I have taken on the concept that everything I ingest has a soul. We are beings. Water coffee soda candy. Drugs alcohol they all have souls. And depending on what soul evil or good depends on what goes in my body to feed my soul. Sigh. This is one of the best things for me. Loving this. It's going to be hard but legen........ Dary!