To me the fire walk, was an event that was very monumental/ scary for me. Letting go of something that has been defining who I am and what my past is about was really hard for me to let go. My mind was in love with the idea of keeping this awful ugly thing holding me back from loving who I want to love full heartedly.
When Douglas made us repeat over and over; “I walk on burning hot coals, in my bare feet which remain in perfect condition.” I thought he was crazy. No way were my feet going to remain in perfect condition after walking on hot coals! No freaking way. But the more and more you said it, the more and more you believed it. The more and more you understood, wait I have the power. I have the power to let go of my past, and to let go of the fear that the fire is going to hurt my feet. And guess what? No burns or blisters on my feet J
The first time I walked across the hot coals, I was entranced. I couldn’t believe that I actually pulled it off I couldn’t believe that I did it. My guardians were with me, my love was burning like a fire and I was so happy. Then my buddy Casey looked at me and said, “We are going again but together. “ And I was like ok! So when we went together, it was a little more painful just because my feet were freezing, but yet again, no scars, burns etc. When we reached the end, I felt our friendship/buddyship grow a little in my heart. I felt closer to her that she took a risk, because I know that is completely out of her comfort zone, but then also to experience it with me, really made me feel special and important.
Going back to Outlook after that night, I have had a really hard time. I am having a hard time accepting the fact that this is all going to end. I won’t be able to do these things any more with the people that I love. I am going Sky Diving Jan 16th, and our boot camp is the week before, and it worries me because Those are 2 out of the 4 major events and we have already done one. I don’t want this experience to end fo rme. I have never been more smiley, more positive, more tolerant, accepting, loving, caring, etc. I just want to keep growing and learning and having revelations all the time. But it is something that has to come to end eventually I guess.
SuperNova was offered to me last week, and I really have a feeling I should do it, but I have a stronger feeling from my inner guru saying that I need to wait. I don’t feel like I have had my AH HA! Moment here, and I think that Is super more important than putting people first like I do in almost ever situation. Because here at Outlook, The whole point of the program is for me to have that AH HA moment. I want that. I need that. I am going to have that, I just have to give it time. I haven’t broken through all the filters and barriers or walls that have been put up. I still need to utilize the Choice Process and Next POC I am going to be a Mentor! I really can’t wait J
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